Leaks Expose Trump, Brexit As Japanese Plan

Recent dramatic events in Europe and the US, including the UK's vote to leave the European Union and the rise of Donald Trump, are the result of Japanese espionage, according to documents obtained by In Other News.

Leaked emails exchanged between senior figures in Japan's intelligence community make clear that their actions are part of a wider strategy intended to weaken western nations, both economically and politically.

Some Japanese emails being leaked yesterday

An agent codenamed Butaniku, identified as former UK Prime Minister David Cameron, wrote in one email "I have successfully divided both Europe and the UK, and Operative Godzilla" - a reference to new UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson - "is now in place to commence phase two."

Speaking of events in the USA, one email said, "Agent Orange Face has been more successful than we anticipated, and Agent Cute Oyaji deserves great credit for dividing the opposition." Predicting Trump's election as President, he continued, "We can look forward to reveling in the USA's global humiliation, as Japan rises to be a powerful number two in the world."

Pokemon Go Released in Japan: 18m New Residents Discovered

Following the Japanese release today of Pokemon Go, the population of Japan has been discovered to be approximately eighteen million higher than previously thought. Millions of people who left their homes for the first time today in order to play the game had not been included in previous censuses because they never answered the door.

Officials have been caught off guard by the existence of all these extra people. "This has come as a real surprise," said Population Minister Hitoga Daisuki. "We haven't seen anything like this since the extra four million brought out of their homes by the inception of AKB48."

Crowds waiting in Ginza for Pokemon Go to launch 

Some of these residents are finding it difficult to adjust to the world which they have come out into. "I just went through this big hole in my wall, and suddenly there was all this other stuff," said Hikiko Mori, 27, from Saitama. "It looks like the world out of The Matrix, but with more agents."

The government is hopeful that luring more unknown residents out of hiding will boost Japan's population further. There are already plans to create a new boy band, a chain of bakeries offering free cupcakes to anyone without a MyNumber, and an interactive app provisionally called Hello Kitty Vs. Game of Thrones Go.

Japanese High School Hires Parrot As Teaching Assistant

A high school in Saitama prefecture has broken with usual practice by hiring a parrot to assist the Japanese teacher in English lessons, rather than a human native speaker.

The principal of Happy Future High School, Tori Shaberu, defended the move in a statement released yesterday. "We're confident that Porry will help students learn correct English pronunciation just as well as a human teacher," he explained. "She's from England, so speaks with a British accent. As far as I can tell. And, it's Japanese culture, so don't question it."

Porry at work in the classroom

Despite Shaberu's upbeat assessment, some parents of students at the school have expressed concerned about the quality of lessons. Nani Desuka, 39, told In Other News "Since the parrot started, my daughter has just been saying things like 'Pieces of Eight' and 'I'm a parrot of the Carribean'. The previous teacher at least taught useful words related to foreign culture, like 'hangover' and 'all-night session'"

There has also been an unanticipated effect: Porry's squawks of "Who's a pretty boy then?" have reportedly led to an improvement in male students' grooming and personal hygiene as they compete for the bird's attention.