Yakuza Graduate Interns Start Training

Nagoya yakuza syndicate Yamakawa-Gumi announced yesterday that it has accepted as interns thirty new graduates from local universities, who will gain hands-on experience in all aspects of organized crime. The placements will last for six months, with possible extensions depending on performance, and the possibility of permanent employment for outstanding students.

This change in recruitment strategy was explained at a press conference yesterday. "The declining birthrate has led to a smaller pool of potential recruits," said spokesman Mujaki Shinda in the syndicate's media center. "Fortunately, our colleagues in the American banking industry were able to engineer a global economic downturn, leading now to fewer opportunities for new graduates in the vanilla economy."

An intern training in negotiation skills

The interns are all enthusiastic about the opportunities. Asana Kurokawa, a liberal arts major from Kobe Happy University, said "This will be a great way to learn quickly the skills I'll need for work at a large corporation, such as enduring power harassment and suppressing my personal ethics."

If the program is successful, the syndicate plans to continue taking on graduates. "We're confident that some of the interns will pass probation and become full-time members," said Shinda. "And we've already applied to have booths at next year's university recruitment fairs, at a discounted rate, if they value their buildings."