At a press conference last week, the government announced a new strategy to tackle Japan’s low birthrate: noting that sales of kanji instruction books increased when former Prime Minister Aso’s illiteracy came to public attention, ministers aim to encourage more procreation amongst Japanese couples by drawing attention to their own lack of prowess between the sheets.
‘I’m absolutely crap in the sack,’ said Culture Minister Shochu Nakayama at the press conference. ‘I’m often so drunk after a long Diet session that I can’t perform at all. It’s a wonder we ever had a child.’
Womens’ Affairs Minister Masako Ichihashi upset some conservative groups with her comments. ‘My husband must have been a virgin on our wedding night,’ she recalled. ‘He didn’t have a clue, and he was so bashful. It was as if he’d never even spoken to a woman, let alone touched one. I had to do everything for him.’
The public seems to have responded quickly, with bookstores already noticing an increase in sales of sex instruction books. However, a spokesman warned against expecting instant results, suggesting it might take between eight and ten months for any increase in the birthrate to be observed.
