Tokyo Olympic Tax Name Contest Launched

Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced yesterday a contest for all residents, to decide on a name for the large increase in residents' tax needed to fund the 2020 Olympics. Residents may submit entries up to 31st December this year.

Governor Nokuru Inose said 'Words like "tax increase" carry too negative a feeling for such a joyous event. It needs to be thought of as something positive and uplifting, with a name to match, such as "Olympic Time Happy Life Gift", but more coherent.'

Critics charge that the contest is a ploy to distract residents from any unnecessary costs associated with the games. 'We had this before with the "New Luxury Government Offices Are a Good Thing Offering"', said store clerk Mayumi Kohaka. "I can't believe they're trying the same trick again. Actually, it worked, so I can."

Inose rejected such criticisms as the unfounded complaints of killjoys, saying 'These are just the unfounded complaints of killjoys, lacking proper Olympic spirit. People who have already submitted names like "Backhanders For Our Construction Industry Friends" need to take a look at themselves.'

The winning name will be decided by a panel of city government members and representatives of construction companies providing infrastructure for the games. The cost of administering the contest, including a five-day stay at a luxury Bali resort for Inose, the judging panel and their families, will be met by a 'Joyous Naming Contest Contribution', to be added to Tokyo residents' tax.

Ministers Laugh Themselves Silly Announcing New Regulator

Ministers yesterday were unable to contain their mirth as they announced the formation of a new body to oversee the "Foreign Trainee" program, following allegations of exploitation by Japanese companies employing "trainees" from China and south-east Asia.

'We're very concerned about the health and well-being of the trainees,' said Industry Ministry spokesman Kenta Yamauchi, stifling giggles behind both hands. 'We want to ensure they're being treated fairlypppfffft - excuse me - so we're committed to stamping out any abusive practices.'

Industry Liaison Officer Asaki Furugawa added, 'We absolutely will not tolerate... I'm sorry... will not tolerate any exploitation of foreign trainees.' Wiping away tears of laughter, he continued, 'We aim to set up a regulator with wide-ranging powers of inspection and sanction,' then had to pause to compose himself, before concluding, 'some time in the next twenty years oh this is priceless!'

According to the government's proposal, companies which refuse inspection, or are found to be engaged in exploitative practices, could be hit by fines of up to a thousand yen ($10). Individuals found to have authorized such practices will face prison sentences of between six and twelve minutes, suspended for a million years.