After completing this year's toy production, Santa has announced that from next year his manufacturing plants and distribution base will be relocated to Japan. He has already acquired a site in Hokkaido, and plans to become fully operational from March.
Speaking from his Lapland home, Santa told In Other News, "This has been forced on me by the global economic climate. European labour law makes it difficult to reduce costs, but in Japan I'll be able to exploit and abuse workers by coercion, bullying, and using the "foreign trainee" program."
Officials in Japan are delighted with the news. Trade Minister Nobaho Nao said, "This is exactly the kind of inward investment we hope to attract. Becoming home to such a prestigious multinational brand will make the electorate think we're doing a good job, without us having to actually do anything."
Monday 22 December 2014
Wednesday 3 December 2014
Tojo's Spirit Appointed to Cabinet
As part of a cabinet reshuffle yesterday, the spirit of deceased wartime leader Hideki Tojo was appointed Minister for Foreign Affairs. This is the first time that a minister has been appointed after his death, a move which has raised eyebrows both at home and overseas.
Government spokesman Haruka Mikaze defended the move, saying "Critics simply have no understanding of Japanese culture. Our ancestors may no longer be with us in body, but they still have an important part to play in formulating policy. We're looking forward to Minister Tojo's contribution to the debate on our national security."
Speaking from his home in Yasukuni Shrine through a ouija-board operated by the Chief Cabinet Secretary, Minister Tojo said, "I'm delighted to have been chosen for this position, and I'll do my best to carry out my duties honourably. I fully intend to build on current policy, ensuring that Japan's overseas relations become as good as they were during my previous spell in office."
Minister Tojo will attend cabinet meetings and parliamentary debates in non-corporeal form, and is expected to be an ever-present. His first task will be to vote on a bill allowing foreign nationals to hold cabinet posts, paving the way for the Ministry of Land, Transport and Infrastructure to be led by Benito Mussolini.
Government spokesman Haruka Mikaze defended the move, saying "Critics simply have no understanding of Japanese culture. Our ancestors may no longer be with us in body, but they still have an important part to play in formulating policy. We're looking forward to Minister Tojo's contribution to the debate on our national security."
Speaking from his home in Yasukuni Shrine through a ouija-board operated by the Chief Cabinet Secretary, Minister Tojo said, "I'm delighted to have been chosen for this position, and I'll do my best to carry out my duties honourably. I fully intend to build on current policy, ensuring that Japan's overseas relations become as good as they were during my previous spell in office."
Minister Tojo will attend cabinet meetings and parliamentary debates in non-corporeal form, and is expected to be an ever-present. His first task will be to vote on a bill allowing foreign nationals to hold cabinet posts, paving the way for the Ministry of Land, Transport and Infrastructure to be led by Benito Mussolini.
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