Couple to Re-Wed After 'McPastor's Overcorrection

A Japanese couple are to hold a second wedding ceremony after their first was spoiled by constant correction and demands for repetition from the conversation school teacher acting as the priest.

Bride Ayaka Morinaga was deeply upset by the experience. 'He said my "love" sounded like "rub",' she explained, 'and he made me say "love, honour and obey" six or seven times until he was happy. I could tell he was happy because he was smiling.'

'We didn't really care if what we were saying was right or not. We just wanted the superficial romantic experience.'

The teacher was Aaron Huckleworth, a native of Arkansas provided for the occasion by Tokyo-based Pastors'R'Us. 'Teaching is my calling,' he told In Other News by telephone from the Hubgublers Pub in Roppongi. 'How can they be upset at getting a free lesson? Ingrates.'

This is not the first complaint received by Pastors'R'Us. At a society wedding last year, hip-hop DJ Slammo was found to be listening to his iPod while performing the ceremony, after asking the groom 'Do you take this ho to be your lawless wedded bitch?'

The Morinagas are looking forward to their second ceremony, and are taking steps to prepare beforehand. 'We've signed up for English lessons to practice,' said Ayaka, 'and I'm sure we'll learn everything we need from the Mormons.'

Unseasonal Hot-Pot Order Customer Arrested

A Tokyo man was arrested yesterday at a restaurant in Shibuya for attempting to order nabe, a hotpot dish which according to Japanese law may be consumed only between 1^st October and 28^th February each year.

The manager of the restaurant alerted the Season Police after being told of the order, and the man was immediately taken into custody.

Charges have already been brought, and State Prosecutor Maiko Hara intends to seek a custodial sentence. “Actions such as these pose a grave danger to the foundations of Japanese society,” she explained, “and the threat to public order cannot be overstated. We must send a clear message to other diners that such anarchic behavior won’t be tolerated.”

However, the lawyer acting for the accused man is hoping for lenience from the court. “My client is overcome with shame and remorse for his heinous disregard of custom,” said attorney Yuichi Waraba. “He has vowed never again to attempt to decide for himself what he should be allowed to eat, or when.”

The customer is being held in solitary confinement after being subject to abuse and threats from other inmates, and the police are withholding his identity in order to protect his family from reprisals in the face of public anger. A spokesman hinted that if the public mood remains sour, it may be necessary to furnish the man with a new identity.